A thankful update

I haven't updated in a long while. I have my life priorities being handled and I'm doing great. Thank you to the many many spirits, both good and bad, wrathful, peaceful or what have you, I give you thanks for your participation and contribution. To the Logos I give you my thanks as well. I thank many other people, both enlightened and unenlightened. This post  is meant to be a big thank you. So in general I just want to simply express "THANK YOU" to anybody who reads this. THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

On on another note, I've been studying Tibetan Buddhism books here and there and I have a lot musings on the dharma. I want to be clear I am not a practitioner and a lot of what I will say is rife with ignorance and I am not more enlightened from reading. I just wonder is there any good to "ceasing samsaric activity"??? I like my samsara, if I know how to handle it, and I admire the enlightened masters and all but I really don't like being a bodhisattva, as many of the books suggest one practices with an altruistic mind to all things. I can do it really, but not all the time. Where did I get the idea that ceasing samsaric activity is the goal of Buddhism? Well that's what I think, one becomes ultimately pure? I just get the feeling that ultimate purity makes everything infinitely bland and doesn't that make everything infinitely boring?

Okay confession: what I actually want to gain from reading Vajra literature is to be an awareness holder(rigdzin) like the 84 Mahasiddhas, but unlike the great gurus I don't want to remove myself from samsara, I would like to enjoy my nirvana in samsara and explore the world with that confidence.  I want to be in the flesh. Yeah Enlightenment and THE SIDDHIS! Me gusta!

It's a lot of work and I pray I met a lama who can realize this goal and will swiftly walk me through the process. But for now I need to secure that job at a certain gov't office. Regular offerings have made it so EASY!

And um maybe I should post an update on that list I wrote a few weeks ago. Some stuff just need to get drop to make room for goals that are much more reachable. I should add a few more practices to daily thanks, offerings and meditation. Anybody with ideas? I suck at energy condensing btw, I can't make it a visceral feel, just mental and emotional ones.

PS. Blogger sucks! I can't unsubscribe to some blogs and I always end up tweaking my Google Reader. Sigh. Anyway life's a joy.