Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Sigh. Getting Laid...

Well, I'm suppose to be happy. I get to work in a government agency. The pay is good, but, I'll lose my social life because work eats up all the time I have and there seems to be no distinction between private life and professional life. If someone calls me up it's because there's an emergency that only I can be counted on to do. Or so she tells me. I'm not sure if I'll be a permanent employee but I feel grateful for the opportunity.

But there's a much heavier sigh I'm letting out. I'm sad that I'm letting go of someone. She's smart, sweet, and sexy and to be honest I was looking forward to moving into a higher level. Nah, no can do for me - she thinks of me as a friend and I'm still a loner, a misfit and I need plenty of confidence upgrades for myself. These 3 months were great, it was nice to know you. Though honestly, before we part ways I wish I could have spent the night at a motel with you.

Well anyway, getting laid. I strongly feel that if ever I won't get laid, I won't forgive myself when I die. Sigh. Okay time to add a new priority for myself. Get laid before the year ends. I'm going for 10s. Time for Mystery, Style and Pook.


Thursday, May 3, 2012

It's about time... Chod.

Well it's about time, after scouring the web for ways to practice Chod, I will be receiving my first lung from Vajrayana, and I'm so happy. AT LAST! AT FINALLY LAST!

Wish me luck.


Sunday, April 22, 2012

Update to the list I made earlier this year

1.) Initiation into Hermetics - Been reading this on and off and er, I can't make room for this except meditation only. Instead of going through the whole process of IIH, I should use techniques that more or less tie into IIH's theory of magic but I shouldn't swear by it.

2.) Landing a Job - This is going very well. I need a few more kinks. Everything was very easy! Thanks to the spirits who accepted my offerings. Thank you!

3.) Meditation - <3 thanks to this I'm much more stable and not at the mercy of my emotions nor from other's emotions. I've also experienced something weird, I felt my consciousness expand beyond my body, everything was pure light. Nice! I couldn't repeat the experience though.

4.) Offerings - A staple to my practice :D I haven't developed myself to the point that I can commune, speak and see spirits but to my knowledge I think I have made plenty of good friends :D

5.) Theories - I dropped theorizing and pretending to be able to compare and contrast systems. I'll use whatever works.

6.) A partner in magic - dropped. The person copped out. He was pretty wimpy and very shitty. Good riddance anyway.

7.) Reading - Tibetan Buddhism mostly. Google is a friend.

8.) Geomancy - Rarely doing divinations with geomancy. I rarely do divinations these days. I trust the universe with whatever it sends me.

Friday, April 20, 2012

A thankful update

I haven't updated in a long while. I have my life priorities being handled and I'm doing great. Thank you to the many many spirits, both good and bad, wrathful, peaceful or what have you, I give you thanks for your participation and contribution. To the Logos I give you my thanks as well. I thank many other people, both enlightened and unenlightened. This post  is meant to be a big thank you. So in general I just want to simply express "THANK YOU" to anybody who reads this. THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

On on another note, I've been studying Tibetan Buddhism books here and there and I have a lot musings on the dharma. I want to be clear I am not a practitioner and a lot of what I will say is rife with ignorance and I am not more enlightened from reading. I just wonder is there any good to "ceasing samsaric activity"??? I like my samsara, if I know how to handle it, and I admire the enlightened masters and all but I really don't like being a bodhisattva, as many of the books suggest one practices with an altruistic mind to all things. I can do it really, but not all the time. Where did I get the idea that ceasing samsaric activity is the goal of Buddhism? Well that's what I think, one becomes ultimately pure? I just get the feeling that ultimate purity makes everything infinitely bland and doesn't that make everything infinitely boring?

Okay confession: what I actually want to gain from reading Vajra literature is to be an awareness holder(rigdzin) like the 84 Mahasiddhas, but unlike the great gurus I don't want to remove myself from samsara, I would like to enjoy my nirvana in samsara and explore the world with that confidence.  I want to be in the flesh. Yeah Enlightenment and THE SIDDHIS! Me gusta!

It's a lot of work and I pray I met a lama who can realize this goal and will swiftly walk me through the process. But for now I need to secure that job at a certain gov't office. Regular offerings have made it so EASY!

And um maybe I should post an update on that list I wrote a few weeks ago. Some stuff just need to get drop to make room for goals that are much more reachable. I should add a few more practices to daily thanks, offerings and meditation. Anybody with ideas? I suck at energy condensing btw, I can't make it a visceral feel, just mental and emotional ones.

PS. Blogger sucks! I can't unsubscribe to some blogs and I always end up tweaking my Google Reader. Sigh. Anyway life's a joy.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Fresh start for the New Year and stuff

I thought to myself some days ago that I should be joining the New Year, New You contest that's been all the rage in the blogosphere... but I don't think I can. I'm too lazy and at times, my energy drops low to the point within 3 minutes that what I will say in my posts are bland and at times lame...lol. But then self-transformation is something I can't pass off from my list of priorities ever since I got serious in magical practice.

But if I were to talk about self-transformation, I need to talk about myself right? Hmm while I want to share stuff about me, especially important things that happened to me, I feel that I really don't think there is a need. But whenever inspiration rises or something like a problem that has haunted me for long has been solved, then do I feel the need to say somethings about myself. So not yet. I'll ask the deities to kindly send me their aid lol

But I will repeat the first few lines in my first post and er maybe a bit of info:
"Hi, my name is John. I'm learning magic. I don't care what style of magic so long as it's magic." if someone can tell, well there is a need for me to do magic. I live with tough people, it's called family. I'm in a phase in my  life where I seem to can't move into the right direction because I've been living it tough with them. And it influences and hurts me very much. Whenever I think of myself, I sort of spiral into confusion and resentment over decisions I've made in my life without thinking about my self-preservation. While I want to talk about it more I'll probably drop a few lines about my problems and its relation to my magic in future posts. God I need a good vent. lol

Now with that out of the way I want to talk about stuff I've been up to:

1.) Initiation into Hermetics -
because people say it's the best book in magic, I didn't believe them, at first... but now I think I reconsider my opinion against it. I was a noob, I still think I am lol I have started doing some of the exercises of Step One. And I hope I can get up to Step 3 where I think I will stop. or Step Four if there is a need. All I'm after from the book is the ability to pore breathe, just enough so that I can feel, circulate, draw and project energy. I can using the Universal Centering Gesture, but I think it sucks if I will depend on a gesture than an ability that most mages can do.

2.) Landing a Job -
Time to earn me some money so I can share it with the worthy members of the family.

3.) Meditation -
A wonderful benefit and something that I never pass off everyday. If I don't mediate, my mind gets cluttered with a lot of useless thoughts and emotions. 10 minutes at the very least, 4 hours when I'm really feeling it.

4.) Offerings -
Using the Gesture of Offering from the Jason Miller's Sorcerer's Secrets I offer some of my life essence(vital force) to my ancestors and the spirits of the area - dead, local deities, guardians and wrathful. I don't think it's a bad idea, and I don't feel weak when I'm doing and it's because I sort of feel more compassionate towards spirits than my fellow human beings lol, but yesterday I felt a whiff of energy from my shoulders swiftly taken away when I did my offering. Nothing bad has happened, but maybe I gave too much. Meh, I think it's still okay.

I'll try offering a physical support next time, preferably at the cemetery where my aunt's grave is.

5.) Theories -
I have some musings related to Fra. Inominandum's seven-level model that I want to test with friends both online and in person. I hope I'm right with most of them.

6.) A partner in magic -
Imma gonna get me a partner in crime. Nope, I'm not going to be in a relationship.* But I have decided to join forces with a friend who I met online the past few months in order to train myself better in the arcana. I suck if I do things alone, it's best if I have someone I can talk to in person.

7.) Reading -
I read a lot and... I don't want to lapse back into arm-chair magick. Enuff said.
Reading list: Mostly Tibetan buddhism, and geomancy

8.) Geomancy -
Too lazy to interpret readings and now I sometimes think that the figures as spirits are showing me stuff about the query in sign language form. I don't know sign language but that is the impression I get. And I sometimes get the impression that whenever I spam the query with different readings, the Spiritus Mundi is trolling me or wants to, especially concerning queries about lost items and where to find them. For example: I almost lost a 500 peso bill and I casted a chart using serena's free geomancy reading. The Judge showed Conjunctio, RW: Via, LW: Carcer. The Fourth house showed Cauda Draconis, the First house has Laetitia passing to the 2nd house. But hey I don't see it anywhere. I casted a few more charts after this, and I got the impression that they all meant you'll be fine just go, or it's okay your mother will cover it. Now a little later, as I'm about to leave the house I checked my sling bag again (I searched everywhere by the wa,y even the bag) then I felt it, it was the money... I remembered the first reading, and at that point I thought I was in someone's comic strip. It was a relief because I was taken by anxiety from hours of worrying lol

I better get that copy of Art and Practice of Geomancy as soon as possible.

*whines: I wish there was a hot girl who is interested in magic like I do. There doesn't seem to be one where I live

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

I'll be back

I'll be back!

I haven't written a post in a long while. I don't know if some people are interested in my blog, though I do notice my stats get regularly updated. Well, I'm too busy trying to get shit settled with my family. And there are too many things happening that clog my mind. Thank God for regular meditation.

Current priorities:
-Initiation Into Hermetics
-Offerings to the Natal Daimon, local spirits, ancestors.
-Defend myself against the dysfunctional members in my family
-Reclaiming some of my dignity
-Land a job
-Add more magical skills to my current repertoire
-Perform the Five Tibetan Rites regularly
-Have a magical partner.

All these are attainable. I thank the Universe for being so kind and generous to me.